Artificial feelings

artificial seasons . by *m0thyyku on deviantART


I realize these feelings are artificial.  I understand this because of my constant falling off the fence and whichever side I land on depends on the thought, memory, or person I see which sparked the fall.

I look at a letter and think what might life be like?  I see a picture and wish for that life.  A second chance.  With both, or one, or neither.

I see her at my game.  In my house.  In my car.  In my life.  She's/they are not there.  I see another girl and wonder, "could she be the one?"  I look at her figure and wish.  Snapping me back to reality, again confirming that I'm superficial.  I want yet I don't.  It's been a year, two, seven.  Will it end?  Will the mechanical gears inside ever match their teeth again?  Or will they grind away leaving the continuously smooth loop.

On my way.

So I am finally on my way to "my" new house.  After weeks of stressing and searching, I finally was successful on a bid I made on a house.  It's in a nice location, not too far from the light rail, and should have a decent ability to resale when the time comes.

The living room is kind of small, and the kitchen is a little outdated but the master is amazing.  So big.  My dreams are now filled with decorating my new place.  I never thought I would be a fan of HGTV, but it is now my staple channel.

I'm on my way but there is still a long ways to go.  I will keep you updated as the process proceeds.  My current step is getting the loan stuff situated.  My closing date is October 27th.  Just in time for Halloween, my first holiday in my house.

That smell is smoking hair...

It's ok I put out the fire.  Things in my life have been busier as of late then it has in a long time.  Where shall we start?  How about at the beginning.

Sunday August 17th, Greg came over and we loaded up my bike next to his.  The Fall semester started on Monday with myself participating in a hectic schedule.  I worked a split shift coming in at 7 with a plan to get off at 12 to go to the track with Greg.  That morning was a blur and when I finally left the office and sat in Greg's truck, I didn't feel good.  Didn't feel focused, which should have tipped me off. 

We got to the track and started this thing.  Suited up, feeling better.  I could sense Greg's hesitation which was to be expected.  We took it slow at firs but Greg was getting quicker, and so was I.  Feeling much more confident and quicker then I had the time before.

Should have been my second clue.  About midway through the session, my speed increased drastically, even dragged knee a few times.Coming up to the corkscrew, "how am I going to take this, what am I going to do with my body?"  The MISTAKE!  Should have been concentrating on my speed, realized it at the last second, leaned as hard as I could, deciding not to ride off straight as I was concerned at what the bike would do hitting the dirt at 75mph.  The tires lost grip, blaming it on the DOT tires, and lowsided at about 75mph.  The worst part of this whole experience was the sound the cheese grater asphalt made against my poor candy.  The leathers did their job with me getting up spitting dirt.  The guy pulled up with the cart, grabbing my hands asking me to squeeze and "what day is it?"  "August 15th?"  "Close enough."  I was fine, my ego wasn't, and mad was an understatement.

Turns out it was a good thing.  The insurance company covered it and paid off the bike.  I'll purchase a race ready bike in the Winter with the acquired funds.  Getting out from under that loan allowed me to qualify for a much higher home loan.  Which has been the next biggest stress in my life as of late.  Exciting but stressful.  I've put a bid on one place that looks like it's going to fall through because of a lawsuit on the HOA.  If I don't hear any positive news today, I will put a bid on another place.  A place with a huge master bedroom and bath.  So we will see how that works out.  I'm ready for it to just be done and for me to have a place.  Fingers crossed something will be settled this week.

On top of all of this, multiple wedding projects have been going on.  Shooting, editing, delivering, re-editing.  I'm discovering it's not something I really enjoy.

Thats about it.  The flames are extinguished at least for the moment.  I can finally start to think again, now if I could just find a damn house, all would be perfect.  Oh and I dinged 80 W00T!!!